32. Challenges

Well it is safe to say that the start of my new year, has been challenging, but as the blog is such a supportive world I feel comfortable enough to explain to you guys what's going on.

Magic is doing great, he picks up his feet (all four without kicking), he walks in hand without being completely stupid. He plays the friendly game in parelli and is starting to learn the porcupine game and I am doing lots of reading on monty roberts and join up.  After a fairly heatEd argument with someone at the yard I decided to ignore his suggests, he is a firm believer in a firm hand and I'm a firm believer in being natural and calm,  don't get me wrong he'll get a tap on the nose if he does something drastically wrong. But the majority of the time a firm no in an angry voice works just fine with him. We had tried doing some work on trotting in hand but so far we haven't got very far with that and it was causing more problems then less. So we're sticking with where we are at the minute and when the time comes to move on to the next stage then that is what we will do.  Unfortunately, magic has had mud fever, all though that is slowly clearing up, and I'm also treating him for possibly having mites we think that he came with them as a foal as he has always rubbed his neck but recently he has got worse about doing it. So I spray that on him and he always gets a really good groom. He's really happy at the moment and I think that he has got the capability to be a great horse he just needs to understand some times that he is a little bit bigger than most foals of his age.

As for me I'm complicated, I've avoided blogging because my head hasn't been in the right place the past few weeks, and my health isn't in the best place either.  But I'm getting there slowly I took the first step by going to see my doctors about my mental health two weeks ago and they put me on tablets it then got a hell of a lot worse before it got better but the best week I've been a little bit level don't get me wrong there's still days where I feel like I want to go insane but regularly taking the medication and the support from my amazing family, boyfriend and of course magic has kept me going. The past sort of week things have slowly startEd to get better, I have now sorted out my financial situation, I've fully withdrawn from university to dedicate my time to sorting my health out and to getting magic where I want him to be. I save up every single day with the aim towards when I have my licence back getting myself back on the road. I'm trying to focus on the positives don't get me wrong I've had some shit and there's still momenta when the negatives drive me mad but for now I'll focus on the positives. I've realised I was taking out my problems on all the wrong people and that that is something that I have got to stop doing and slowly and surely I am getting better at it. Tomorrow I have to meet the person to talk about my mental health and I'll be honest I'm dreading it and I also think that it will be a waste of time. The only therapy I want is horse therapy and maybe a bit of retail therapy when I have a better income.

I am now officially exhausted so I am going to leave you with some magic pictures.
Cuddles with my baby boy, I love my Pony lots and lots and lots. I wouldn't trade him for a million dollars, I would rather live in a struggle than live with out this boy and one day I'll prove all the people that said I couldn't do it that I could do.  
That's just the bond that the pony and I have got, he doesn't care if I lie on him, If I just sit on the floor and chill with him, he just enjoys my company and I just enjoy his. 

Me and the pony face he loves to give people kisses.
yes that is me behind the giant pony,no I don't think I was leaning down he really is just that huge.

Until next time
Amber and Magic 

3 comments:

  1. A big part of mental health is the fear of saying you have a problem out loud to others. Its very brave of you to do so. So many people deal with mental health issues, and I think teen-20's is the hardest time. Magic is a big boy, sounds like you understand balancing being firm with calm. Last thing you need is him to be overly reactive. Don't write off the session yet, maybe they will understand horse therapy ;)

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  2. I felt like admitting it on my blog was probably the best place as you guys have always been so supportive throughout any journey that I've made and I've blogged about so I knew you'd all be the same a out this. Unfortunately the meeting didn't go as well for me as I had planned it to

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  3. Wow Magic has gotten so big!! Do it your way and ignore what the others say. You're doing the right thing with him. Beating horses doesn't teach them a thing. Grr.

    I'm so sorry about all of the health problems. It's hard to say for sure, but I think I understand what you're going through. There are similarities between us, but differences as well. I'm sorry the meeting didn't go well. Don't give up. Please keep looking until you find the right one. I don't know what you have over there, but cognitive behavioral therapists are the best for dealing with anxiety and those types of things. I want to see one so bad, but I can't afford it. I wish I'd gone years ago when I had the money to do it, but I was too scared and in too much denial. You are braver than I am already just for having gone. I'm proud of you. What has worked the most for me (doing it on my own since I don't have a therapist) is trying to stay positive. Being positive really does make a huge difference with everything in my life. It was very difficult because I was an extremely negative, pessimistic, unhappy complainer (seriously miserable company) and now, although things aren't perfect obviously, I've become a much more positive person, more of an optimist, better at taking things as they come (I used to throw huge fits if my plans deviated in the least), etc. Part of it may be age and maturity, but part of it was deciding I didn't like who I had become and that I wanted to change. I was so angry and wanted to blame everyone else for my problems. When I accepted that **** happens and I was causing the majority of my problem (basically accepted things for what they were) things began to change. It was really HARD, but I did it. I still get depressed, anxious and angry, but not nearly like I did before. I'm happier more than I'm not now and that's saying something!! I wish the best of luck for you to figure this thing out. I'm happy you have Magic because Chrome helped me through a lot of it. I'm so proud of you for being honest and brave about all of it. I wish I could have been, because I probably could have gotten help sooner. Don't give up!

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A Girl With A Dream

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