11. Motivation goals, health and horsey calmness.

Today has been a long day and it is safe to say that I am knackered now. I ended up at my walk-in doctors this morning for theme to basically tell me to go back on sleeping pills as the paramedic felt that I am getting the the point of becoming an insomniac and that I am suffering with depression and anxiety/panic attacks. This is something that I have not dealt with before so I'm not actually sure how I'll deal with it really.  This morning my mum put Magics food in. Mum, Jack and I then went back to let magic out about 9.30 this morning, he had all four feet picked up and then walked to his field. Now the past two times that I habe let magic out he's been a pain for some reason when I walk him out to the field he gets half way there and then starts spinning around, running and just being a general idiot. I'm not sure what is causing it or why he is doing it but I am sure that I will figure it out soon.

This afternoon jack and I had to help his brother do a few jobs so that meant that we were out and about in the car for a few hours. I fell asleep in the car and just generally had time to space out. We then git home and jack and I decided to just curl up and watch TV now it's not unusual for me to go back to sleep during the day however today we both curled up together and then we were both out of it. After that it was time to do magic again he came in from the field really quietly and calmly and he was very good.  He then had his feet done again just to try and keep them as clean as possible, I've become a proper neat freak and clean freak since magic had the abcess in his hoof. I then put Magic in his stable and we had a little bit of a debate about his head collar, I think it is going to be one of those things that take time but my sure that we will get there in the end. I'm noworking curled back up in bed ready to chill out and just get some more sleep, that's after I have watched eastenders.

I also got my self a new piece of technology today I don't know if any of you can remember that I use an app called My fitness pal to manage my calorie in take. Well my uncle has loaned me the money to get a bracelet that tracks the calories burnt, the amount of steps I take during a day, my heart rate all day, it also monitors sleep, and the type of sleep that I have. All this data is then sent to my phone and I can check on it through out the day to see whether I am on track or not. I think that this will be really good for my health and focus me to stay on track. But right every one my food is done so it's time for me to eat so I'm off to sleep now.

Until next time
Amber and Magic


  1. A coworker has that bracelet thing. I wish I could try one! Especially for the sleep tracking.

    I have suffered with generalized anxiety and panic attacks (although those are rare) for years now. I also have very mild insomnia (basically if my schedule changes at all my sleep is completely messed up and take forever to get back on track, I also don't sleep when my anxiety is bad). I want to see a therapist for cognitive behavioral therapy, but I can't afford it. They have the most success with treating it. So much better than taking medicine which I'm trying to avoid. I've gotten better at controlling it, but it's been a struggle for many years. I have learned that it's all about our brains and thought processes. We have to retrain how our brains think. It's so hard to do on your own though. I would do so much better with a therapist I think. :( I wish I could offer more help.

    As for the insomnia, the best thing that helps me is distraction. I do a lot of reading, but if that's not working (sometimes it doesn't) I have several tricks for helping keep my brain distracted from anxious thoughts that keep me awake. Some work, some didn't, some work sometimes, but not all the time. One is counting. When that stopped working I had to get creative and count in 2s, 3s, etc. or backward. The problem is once I get habituated to one technique I can do it on autopilot and my brain wanders back to the anxious thoughts. Other things that work is visualization. I'll imagine myself galloping a horse on the beach, concentrating on each foot fall of the horse (often in slow motion). The only problem with visualization is you have to be very careful to not let the anxious thoughts creep in. You can't worry about tack, the horse misbehaving, falling off, etc. It has to be simple and perfect lol. Other things that work is replaying a movie in my head scene by scene. If you have a movie that you have memorized just play the scenes through your head trying to remember every details. Works with books too. I've also made up my own stories in my head at night. I have a bunch of characters, scenes, etc. that I only think about at night. I don't write about them when writing my novels lol. It is truly all about distraction for me. Meditations and breathing exercises help a lot of people, but trying to calm my brain when it's already racing doesn't do a thing for me. Concentrating on my breathing helps sometimes when I'm not really amped up. It's a lot of trial and error. I hope some of this helps. Sorry for the really long comment! Also sorry for not proofreading it haha.


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A Girl With A Dream